If the Vocaloids Had to Repopulate the Earth
by The Queen of Double Standards
Summary: When Miku returns, the Vocaloids are busily discussing made-up family connections. Is Miku to only one who realizes that none of them make sense? Gacha, her father, is also the son of her mother, Ring, for example. Dear Lord. Many pairings, crackfic.


**If the Vocaloids Had to Repopulate the Earth**

"Then who are Miku's parents?" came Rin's voice.

Not exactly the first thing you'd want to hear in entering a room, especially when you yourself are Miku Hatsune. Miku stopped, her hand still on the doorknob, and stared at the Vocaloid family as they engaged in very serious discussion.

"Gacha and I, obviously," Ring stated.

"What the hell are you all doing?" Miku questioned bluntly.

"Miku!" they all cried, pouncing on her. She shrieked as people started tugging on her hair.

"You're right, Ring," Len stated. "That would make the most sense."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Miku questioned.

"Well, we're figuring out who is each others' parents here in our Vocaloid house," Gacha stated. "As teal is a mixture of green and blue, Ring and I are your parents."

"Wait, but Gacha is mine and Ring's child," Len pointed out. "How does that work?"

"Whatever, it just does," stated Piko.

"Is this what you've been doing all day?" Miku wondered.

"Sort of," replied Gakupo. "We've been going in circles a lot."

"I don't want Gumi to be my daughter," whined Rin.

"Here we go again," sighed Luka.

"I can't be in love with my daughter!" she insisted. "Why can't Len have her?"

"We already discussed this, Rin," argued Kiyoteru. "Even if you did that, she's your niece, so it still wouldn't be allowed. Besides, if Gacha and Ring could be a couple, so could you and Gumi, though no hair colours match yours and Gumi's mixed together."

"They're both girls, they can't have a baby!" Miku argued.

"Quiet, Miku, and just imagine," Meiko said, slinging an arm around Miku and looking up into the air wistfully. Miku had to wonder if she was drunk again. "You see, we are the first people in the world. We're the ones in charge. I, myself, play the role of Eve, and, with Adam, have given birth to four lovely children whose hair colours are so boring that they could only be created by Adam and Eve: Yuki, Kiyoteru, Piko, and Haku. And then it all begins.

"So, first, Kiyoteru had a child with God knows who, and that child was Cul. Cul, being the sexy beast that she is, proceeded to have multiple partners and a great many babies, her first being Iroha, the pinkette she produced with Haku."

"I thought Haku was Iroha's aunt," Miku, unable to believe what she was listening to, pointed out. Did they really have nothing better to do in their spare time?

"That does not matter in this story, the beginning of the world had exceptions," Meiko explained coolly. "So, Iroha proceeded to have a child with paler pink hair, IA, by mixing her pink with Piko's white."

"And that's her uncle."

"Miku, that is not relevant to the story. Piko also had a child of pale blonde hair with Lily, which is how Seeu came to be. We had issues finding out what happened to make Lui and then figured out that, since his hair has an orange tint, we had to put Seeu and Cul together to make him."

"But they're both _girls_. That's not how reproduction works. Not to mention there's all kinds of freaky messed up family dynamics there."

Meiko continued as if Miku had never spoken. "There's more to Cul, but we'll get back to her later. So, next, Yuki, with an unknown partner, gave birth to Kaito and Ring, who then married Rin and Len respectively. Ring then mothered Sonika and your father."

"I think I'm gonna be sick."

"Rin proceeded to marry Kaito and had the green-haired baby Gumi—Quiet, Rin, deal with it!—but Kaito could not resist Cul's sexiness and also married her."

"I'm sexy and I know it," Cul sang proudly, having Kaito, Seeu, Piko, and Haku gathered around her.

"That's more partners than I remember," Miku mumbled.

"We're not done yet," Meiko stated. "So, Kaito and Cul proceeded to have baby Gakupo, but Kaito could not resist the sexiness Gakupo had inherited from Cul and those two proceeded to have a daughter, Aoki."

"That's wrong on so many levels."

"And Haku and Gakupo gave birth to Yukari."

"Okay, I'm leaving now."

"We're not done yet! I also forgot to mention that Kiyoteru and Ring are Rion's parents."

"Now are you done?"

"Not even close. So, next, Piko, gave birth to Rin, Len, Lily, and Neru."

"I thought Piko and Lily were Seeu's parents."

"They are. Shut up, we have our limits!

"So, the ever-sexy Cul proceeds to give birth to our beloved Luka with Piko—yes, he's her uncle, be quiet."

"What about Mizki and Yuuma?"

"Gakupo and Yuki are their parents."

"What about Miki?"

"We're having trouble figuring that out," Miki excused herself as the Vocaloids gathered around her and start inspecting her hair.

"It's like some mixture of orange, red, and pink," Neru analysed.

"Well, nothing else is making sense so why don't you make her have three parents?" mocked Miku, not even slightly serious.

"That's brilliant!" stated Cul. "I nominated myself!"

"You already have four partners!" exclaimed Miku.

"Well I want six!" argued Cul.

"We volunteer to help out!" Luka said, dragging Neru with her.

"Cul is your _mother_," Miku argued to the pinkette.

"That's okay!" Cul stated. "I have enough love for everyone!"

"Yay, I have three parents!" cheered Miki.

"And not even one of them is a boy," sighed Miku, unable to believe them.

"But now we're faced with a very serious issue," said Meiko. Everyone drew toward her, their eyes wide as they prepared to hear from their Eve. "We don't have an Adam. None of this can exist without an Adam."

With that, the Vocaloids were thrown into chaos, desperate to find an Adam for their lovely Eve. Then, when all hope seemed lost, the door opened. Everyone stopped to stare at the one who'd entered, the light from the outside shining against their back and showing only their silhouette.

"I will be Adam," proclaimed Mew.

"But she's a girl," muttered Miku as the crowd exploded into cheers and gathered around Mew to cheer her on as the woman basked in her glory. Miku left, having lost all hope in Vocaloid-kind.

**Author's Note: This is really random . . . I even made a family tree for it. Well, I hope you liked it! Review if you enjoyed it, even a little.**


End file.
